First Awake Cranitomy

Thanks for all the birthday wishes.  Yesterday was my birthday.  I can't believe I'm 35, with all I've been though!  One thing that helps is I try to take day by day - no what-ifs.  Go with the flow.  It keeps me sane.

So let me get back to my story.

The day before my surgery, I was admitted to Loyola hospital.  They shaved my head - no, actually, bits of it - so they could glue little sensors dots to my head.  This was to avoid any "excessive" shaving, so I still look sexy...

Wait a minute, I am a GUY.  I'm not supposed to look sexy or beautiful!  I had been letting my hair grow out, Shaggy-style, and if they were going to do that, I would have went in with a shaved head!  So I'm sitting there, dots on my head, probably looking fit to be tied.  They then told us to head up to University of Illinois of Chicago for my fMRI.

The fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) to help them avoid the critical areas of my brain.  As opposed to typical MRI, in which you can just sleep if you want, I was to take a more active role in this.  I had to answer multiple choice questions, all by pushing buttons a little remote control hooked up to a computer.  In addition, I had to make movements, such as opening/closing my right hand, or moving my right foot.  This was all to retain function to my brain; to prevent paralysis, to make sure I could still talk and think as I normally did.  The test went very well, and we drove back to Loyola.  A nurse wrapped up my head and said I was to sleep with the dots on my head.  Great...

Some time later, around 7:30pm, Dr. Prahbu came in to talk to me.  He asked how I doing, if I was nervous, etc.  Then he explained to me the risks involved.  My right hand could be a little weak, and I might trouble expressing myself.  He also went over standard surgery warnings, I could die, and all that jazz.  So be it.  I was ready to get this thing out of my head.  He left, my parents left, and I tried to go to sleep.

I remember a normal, pre-op MRI being done with the little dots on my head.  I also remember a male nurse trying to get an arterial IV started and he was having trouble for half a hour or so.  I finally remember that a anesthesiologist was doing his thing, hooking me up.

All that was on my mind is I could die.  I said a little prayer asking that God spare me.  Blackness.

Then suddenly after that, my awake part began.  I was immobile, resting on my side, in the sort of "twilight" phase of sleep; half awake, and half asleep.  

One of the guys asked me, "What is this?" 

"A pen," I said.

"What is this?" that guy again asked me. 

"A pen," I repeated.

"Say your name."

"Joshua Watkins."

"Say what these are."

"Scissors."

So on and on it went, until I could hardly I say my name again.  I knew it, and I could hardly say it.  

"J..." I said.  It just wouldn't come out right.  "Johhh..."

"Let's finish up," I heard Dr. Prahbu say, then blackness surrounded me.

---

I still have a long way to go yet!  

Tomorrow, I'll be getting MRI again (9 years of them!  Ugh...).  Thoughts and prayers are welcome.