Music

At first, I played the flute, all the through 12th grade.  My uncle Tim gave me then first flute I ever owned, and I still own.  It has an interesting tonality, being a nickle coated, as opposed to aluminium coated or solid silver (and the annoying fact that it had to me wiped down after playing it).  It's had a dark metal appearance, which I prefer being the only male flutist.  That's me...always somehow different.

As a side-note, my private flute teacher, Bobbi, pointed out the fact that I wasn't to completely close my airway.  She wanted me to work it, but I could never overcome it.  Could it have been an early sign of my brain tumor?

It a shame I didn't stick with it after all these years, because I actually very talented.  By high school, I never practiced or took my flute home...just showed up to band practice, played, and move on.  Being that age, I was desperately wanting to get away from it.  Teasing was the main issue, and the fact I was quiet or shy.  I ended up in symphonic band as a 2nd chair, second only to a best flute player I have heard at the high school age level...and I didn't give a crap at that point.

Meanwhile my dad picked up an electric guitar - which I took to in a big way.  I started strumming and strings, learn chords, and eventually learn my first riff, "Man in a Box" by Alice in Chains.  I practiced guitar for most of the time I should have been dating women!  I was even in a band.  "Four Cold Seasons," the band was called, featuring Matt, Dave, Jeff, and me.  We practiced only a few months out of the year (which my future wife attended).

It was later on, after I was out of high school and in college, I was in my first serious band (around 1998 - 2000).  We were called Believe at one point, and later, Pantheion.  There were six of us - John, Justin, Joe, Kenny, Mike, and myself.  We were all confused about the style of music we should be playing.  Three of us are metal heads/rock addicts, our keyboardist loved pop rock and alternative, our drummer loved 60's and 70's music, and we had a singer who sounded like Frank Sinatra.  We played a mixture of the classic rock, metal, alternative, pop, and progressive rock.  It sounded like mix of those styles and we - frankly - couldn't pull it off.

I quit the band, about the time I started my career in computer development at Speigel.  Any music I wrote would have to be on the part time basis.  But, of course, working a 40+ job schedule and having to drive one hour back left me little time to do anything meaningful.

Why am I going on about this?  After diagnosis and resection, I lost use of my right hand.  As much I tried, I could not reliably open and close my hand.  Forget about finger independence.  It hurts so badly that I can't play anymore, both my guitars and my flute.  Music is having a major impact in my life, but I just can't play how like I used to, and because of this, I am very hesitant to play in front of others.  I can't explain the "hurt" feelings I have on the inside.  That you have to take my word on.

I traded all my ability to play for my beautiful wife and my son, after all.  I don't think it was a bad trade.  :-)